My third treatment (by David)
My last session with Amber had left me with a renewed feeling that the trauma and energy I had been carrying since the bombing had dissipated and only a small amount was still with me. I hadn’t yet fully let go and I was curious to see if I could explore it myself.
I had been reading ‘Waking the Tiger’ and it had some great guidance for me and also some practical exercises that I was eager to try. I was doubtful that I could revisit the trauma without Amber being there to guide me and provide the safe place that she did in her sessions and I voiced these concerns to her over the phone. Her advice was to trust myself and use the grounding techniques that I had already learned and use them. I was also in a safe place, my home so I would be OK to try and explore as much as I wanted or felt able to cope with.
I set about conducting the exercises which meant that I was to imagine times of stress and see how long it took me to ground myself and my anxiety to fade and my heartrate to return to normal. Two of the three exercises were quite straightforward, and it took me by surprise how quickly I could ground myself.
The Third was different.
The scenario I was to imagine was an explosion and what my feelings would be if I was to experience one, there were no other specifics. It took me right back immediately to the scene of the explosion on the bus. The difference was that I felt that I was on the bus but that wasn’t the case on the day as I was actually outside the bus. The exercise had taken me somewhere I could experience the full intensity of that day. It took me by surprise how intense the feeling of being there was and I had to use all my concentration to ground myself and bring me back to my living room and a place of safety.
The experience unnerved me quite a lot and it took nearly 45 minutes for my anxiety to pass and my heartrate to return to normal in stark contrast to the 3 or 4 minutes the other exercises had taken. I decided not to revisit that place any more and let Amber and I work it out on our next session.
When I did get to Amber’s studio for my third treatment I felt that I had to tell her about my experience and set an intention for the session to deal with the remaining energy that I felt I was still carrying and also address my experience with the Peter Levine exercise.
As the session started I felt the now familiar ‘tuning in’ process of Amber making her connection with me and creating that safe space around us. I was able to relax into the moment and concentrate on letting go of the energy as I had felt before.
I felt that the exercise I had completed had released something for me and I felt the same feeling that I had felt at home. There were no images to speak of but a feeling of being there again and I felt engulfed in an energy that was like very powerful wave sweeping over me. For a moment I could no longer feel where I was and everything was black for a moment. It felt like my chest was filling with energy and I’d taken the deepest breath I could take. I was at that point aware that I needed to be grounded and felt Amber’s hand on my chest I held on to her as my anchor and was able to bring myself back to the moment. I felt exhausted and overwhelmed with emotion once more and realised I was holding my breath which made me notice how hard my heart was beating. As I started to breathe normally, I became aware that the atmosphere had retuned to it’s safe quiet state and both Amber and I had experienced another very powerful event and release. There are no words to describe how much of a relief I feel with that energy and the ever-present feeling that something had not been resolved was now gone. That day will be with me forever but the energy that I had been carrying with me has been released. I feel that energy had been shielding my heart and I had trouble with opening my heart to anything as it was such a powerful force that I had been carrying with me.
I shall be forever grateful to Amber for helping me to dissipate that energy and open my heart and allowing me to let go of what I’d been carrying around for so many years.